Status Updates by Heckler
I get up too early. Today is bad. Why is bad? Okay. I make cup of coffe. I pour into.. bowl? No, that's not right. I pour it out of bowl and into... all over the place. Ah f*** it's all over the floor. S*** it's burning my hands. I run over to sink to stop burning, but I slip on coffe instead. I fal and pull my back. Now I take 2 cyclobenzaprin and have to be piece of jelly all day. Coffee still not done. No milk for cereal? I killed my day.
My chair is blue. I am not sure what you are supposed to do with this information, I just felt like sharing it, out of loneliness and the incessant desire to connect with other humans, which I would never be able to do in real life because I would much rather pull out all of my teeth and shove them so far up my starfish that a trail of gingivitis follows me wherever I go. Which is not far, because I am confined to a single spot for most of my day. Also, I lied. My chair is actually black.
Things old relative said while in public today: "Lot of blacks.""See that one in the blue? like a sausage." "Guess diabetes took a vacation on that one.""All I see is blacks. But that's not a bad thing. But there's a lot of them.""No blacks when I went to school. Different time. 1937. Different time. No blacks.""Lot of fat on that one.""I can stand for about 5 minutes.""Yugetrilffftrrpullinjurkdferterrr?" What a day this has been what an age we live in.
14 sips of coffee. Getting to the part where I added too much cream. Send help. I am hiding from the sun. Distracting myself with mundane house work. I could dust these five books in my sleep. But an old man vaguely related to me will come soon and criticize the dust in a particularly "of his time" fashion if my house is not perfect for the four minutes he stays before we leave to attend our own little snot's graduation. I bring him for protection, and for my dinner bill later. Honky Tonk.
I wake up today. I have 13 sip of coffee. Disappointing taste. I go outside and gaze at sky. Disappointing. No clouds to hide the sun. I begin to melt. Coffee seeps from the corners of my mouth. The sun has turned my patio into a lifeless hell. I see children in satin gowns flooding the streets, screeching and vandalizing all property in reach. I remembered to lock my yard but they do not hesitate to harrass my dogs. Graduation came early this year, those little snots went wild. Summer begins.