Some of McDonald's employees are more salty than their fries man.
Don't leave me alone with 3 boxes of donuts and tell me not to eat them. Because you may just well say "eat my donuts."
If you touch my incense I'll f***ing end you
I wish you'd pass me that f***ing aux cord
If your lock or home screen is a selfie then just stop
Jesus Christ walks into a motel. He hands the inn keeper 3 nails and he asks, "Could ya put me up for the night?"
I FOUND MY DREAM GIRL AND SHE'S A METAL HEAD LIKE MEEEEE
God D*** my forehead is huge
You know you're a fat f*** when you search "donuts near me" on google maps
Sometimes looking at your "stalkers" on here is kind of depressing because someone really attractive can just go on yiur profile and look at you and be like "ew no" and not wanna friend you lol